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| Direction
The question is, where do I go from here? Do I really want this leadership role? Is this what God wants for me? Am I listening hard enough? Am I really willing to admit that this may not be what I want? Can I reconsile the two?
I remember when things were simple, when I thought that I knew God's plan for my life, when I was willing to follow the path wherever it led. What happened? I think the answer is painfully simple, yet complicated at the same time: I want to settle down. I want life to slow down a little bit. I want to live in the moment. And, I want someone to experience that with me. In many ways, I am very envious of a cartoon character, the one in the movie "Up". Is that silly? I want almost exactly what he had. I really want someone that wants me to experience every moment of their life with her. I want to go out on great adventures with her, and always planning the next great adventure. I want someone who really loves the Lord. And, well, I want someone who will truly, honestly, miss me when we can't be together, for whatever reason. And this, I offer back as well... I want someone who wants the same from me.
The problem is, I don't know how to ask for this without seeming insane, or scaring her off... That is a problem: I still hold the guilt of scaring her off before (whether true or not) and am terrified that if I make these requests too soon, it may happen again. But, for my own ability to move on, I need to know that she has these desires, or else we may never get to the point in the relationship where questions like this are appropriate... I may not make it.
Is that too much to ask for? When can I start exploring the relationship to even find out if that is a path that can be taken? And even then, how can I ask for devotion like that? I admit, I am looking for a wife, not just someone to date... and I am looking for that wife sooner rather than later. | | |
| I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. - The Apostle Paul, Romans 7:15
What is the situation that usually brings up to the point of reflecting on the above verse? Usually the person is consciously and repeatedly doing the same sin, and they know that what they do is wrong. So what is going on here? Well, I think I found out the answer. And, I must say that this is strictly from my point of view and no one else's, but I suspect that it may be pretty universally true: The person is running from something, and is afraid to admit it. They may not even know what they are running from, but they are still running. They are running from sin... The more they run from the sin, the more they sin. So I bring up an awkward, yet hopefully enlightening suggestion: instead of running, why not resign yourself to the fact that you sin. I know, weird, but think about it. We are slaves to sin, and therefore the more we try and get away, the stronger the grasp of sin to keep us entangled in it. Did that make sense? Sin will assert a tighter grip the more we try and run. So why not try something just radically different, stop running. I know what some of you are thinking, if we stop running, won't sin encompass us more than ever before? Well, I don't think so. We need to remember that we are slaves to sin.
Imagine now knowing that we are slaves to sin, we stop running. Do we now stand our ground and fight sin? No, I don't think we do that either, necessarily. We need to stop and realize the source of the sin in the first place. We are the source of sin. Sin comes from inside of us. Sin is our direct rebellion against God. Why do we do what we hate? We do it because it is our direct rebellion against the almighty creator! We sin because we think we have a better plan than God! How rediculous is that? He fashioned us in the image of Himself, and gave us the breath of life, yet still we think we know better! We sin because it is our nature. We have a nature that is active rebillion against God. We are stuck in our own nature. No matter how hard we try, no matter how far we run, sin is there taunting us, reminding us that we are a depraved people. And to that, once we come to grips of our sin nature, I say one simple thing: Good. It is good that we know our situation. We are wretched people, and once we do come to grips with that, there is a solution.
A solution! A solution to finally stop doing what we hate? Well, maybe. More importantly, there is a peace. Not only peace, but a new master as well. When we do what we hate, our master is sin, we are slaves to sin. But, there is another master out there, and that master is Jesus Christ.
My plan of attck to end doing what I hate:
- Admiting to Jesus the sins that I commit
- Searching myself and finding the thing that is actually caused me to sin in the first place that manifests itself into sin (in my case it is a releasing of desire over to God)
- Changing my master, no longer allow myself to be a slave to sin, but a slave to Christ
- Actively ask the Spirit to kill my sins, one by one
- Cry out to God, "Abba, Father"
- Rejoice in the glory of Sonship
- Remind myself of the promises in Romans 8
I could keep going, but I think I have come to an adequate enough of a point. Remember what I said before, context is key. Keep sin in context. Read Romans 7:7-25 below to grasp the context of sin. Then, Read Romans 8 for the solution to sin
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. 11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. 14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
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| I thought about a couple of titles for this post. I thought of "The Distracted Generation", and even "The Entertained Generation". But, I landed on "The 'ME' Generation", and here's why: we have focused so heavily on "me" that we view everthing else in the world in light of "me". Let's analyze that a little more, even beyond the obvious. And, even more, let's look at what is possible if we were able to live a life without the "me" focus. I will argue that the life without the "me" approach will not necessarily make you happier (althought it might), but it will be more fulfilling.
So, on for the obvious: When we are living a life for "me", then simply God cannot be your focus. We are the focus. We are telling God that we are more important than Him. Entertain me. Give me. Listen to me. We want control. We want the world to be focues on "me". Don't believe me? (Ha) How are you while driving out on the highway? How many people out there are "idiots" and couldn't see how the way they are driving is affecting "me"? They are going to fast, or too slow, or won't let you merge, or has had their blinker on for the last 20 miles, or is tailgating you too much, or is not following the car infront of them close enough. Got it? Dumb example, I know, but I hope you see the point.
The dangers with entertainment today is, frankly, we get so much of it that we can easily get bored with it. Blame MTV ant the 3-second attention span if you want, but how quickly does our mind wander? For many people I can say just one word and they will intimately know exactly what I am talking about, to one degree or another. "Internet". We can be online doing something very innocent, and get bored with that. Then suddenly, our mind, and our mouse, wander.
Then, there are those times that God comes into your life and just rocks your world. He just grabs a hold of you and shakes you, He just shakes the "me" right out of you. You know what I am talking about? I think Peter (at that time, known as Simon) knows what I am talking about. I am not sure how much time elapsed between Luke 4:38-44 and Luke 5:1-11, but I don't think it was a very long time. You see, before Luke 4:38, I imagine Peter's life was fairly normal for a fisherman. Even though the Gospels don't go in length about Peter's (Simon's) life before meeting Jesus, I am guessing his boat was rarely rocked (sorry about the bad pun). Peter was focused on his life, and his job, just as many of us are doing today. But then, all of the sudden, this man, Jesus shows up at his wife's mother's house. See, she was very sick with a high fever, and this Jesus walks over to her, rebukes her fever, and then she instantly is cured and begins waiting on them! Try and grasp this sequence of events. A man says a few words and a woman is healed?!? That would surely rattle me to my bones. To be the witness of a miracles. Wow. That is a real mind job. As Peter is trying to mentally deal with what he witnessed, he continues on doing what he knows, fishing. After having an unsuccessful night where you were focused on this miracle, and completely frustrated because a night of work turns out to be fruitless, up pops this Jesus person again. He wants to use your boat to teach people on the shore. You allow Him to use your boat because of the recent miracle. When the preaching was done, He suggested that Peter put down the nets in deep water so they could catch some fish. What a ridiculous suggestion! Why would that make a difference at all? He had just spent all night fishing with nothing to show for it. And what does this Jesus person know about fishing? Granted, He did do somethign crazy with his mother-in-law, but this is fishing! This was Peter's life's work. Why should he take advice from someone that clearly knew nothing about fishing? Yet, mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, he gives in. Peter takes the nets out to deeper water, and tosses them over the side of the boat. And, to his surprise, there the nets started to get something. Not just one or two fish, but hundreds! So many fish that his and his sister ship start to sink because there were too many fish brought on board. Who was this man that knew so much about fishing? Who was this man that healed Peter's mother-in-law? Peter realizes that something supernatural is going on here, and he also realizes that he doesn't deserve all that is happeing to him, for he is a sinful man. I imagine Peter's face getting that look of realization on it, him dropping to knees, and screaming, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" Peter realized that life wasn't about "me", life was about something bigger. So, when Jesus told him to "Follow Me", Peter left the "me" behind, and followed.
Granted, after Peter was on the road with Jesus for 3 years, he still had a lot to learn about how to let "me" go. In fact, after Jesus was hung on the cross, what did Peter do, he went back fishing. Peter slipped back into his old life, the one focused on "me". So what did it take for Peter to lose the "me" once and for all? It took Jesus helping Peter to re-examine his purpose in life. In the end, Peter discovered the thing that mattered, and it wasn't "me", it was the same thing that Jesus had told him three years earlier, "Follow Me".
What would it look like if there were a few of us that reject this whole "me" mentality? Would we also be sold out to Jesus like Peter was in the end? What would the world look like if just a few of us said yes to Jesus, and no to "me"? This world would be a much different place.
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| So, what am I doing to advance the Gospel? This question has a few different levels, and is asking something additional than the obvious, it is also asking if I have made myself available to be used by God to advance the Gospel. I have gone over this before, it is a matter of submission. But, even more, after we have submitted ourselves, have we taken efforts to change ourselves, or even more, recognize and welcome the changes that God has in store for us. When we welcome these changes, our hearts, our minds, and out souls have aligned to that of God's. And once we are aligned with God, we will truly begin to trust God. Sure, there are times when we say (and possibly even believe) that we trust God, but on the most time, it isn't true. We hold something back. We see a situation or circumstance that is going on in our lives, and we (consciously or unconsciously) think that we know better than God Himself on what to do in that circumstance. That, simply said, is a lack of trust. That is a lack of doubt. And that, THAT, is what sin is. Sin is the doubting of God. It is in this weakened state, that Satan will put in front of us that which we may think that we need, but in reality is not what we needed (Luke 4:1-4 & John 4:11-15). When we have finally trust God, we truly begin to experience Psalm 23. We will finally allow God to be our shepherd, and we will allow Him to lead us wherever He has for us to go.
So, to answer the question, "What am I doing to advance the Gospel?", I say this: Everything that we will do, day in and day out, cannot help but advance the Gospel, as long as the LORD is my shepherd.
Psalm 23 A psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
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| I admit it, I have regrets. Who doesn't? But here's the thing, my regrets aren't really about anything recently, they from many years ago. More specifically, they are from my high school timeframe. There are many things about high school that I enjoyed, and was glad I participated in. However, there is much that I now look back, and can't help but wonder, "what if?". My sights were so focused on one thing, that I can't help but wonder if I had widened my gaze a little, might things have been different? Might I be living a different life? I don't know, and for that, I have regrets. Let me explain...
By the time I had reached my senior year of high school, I had considerable travelling experience, I had been to a few international destinations, and my experiences overseas had greatly influenced my worldview. And those experiences weren't really ones that I could share with other people, as each trip was with different people, so no one that I could attempt to grasp my experiences, and therefor, my life, with. I made attempts with my high school friends, but unfortunately, each approach was not really met with understanding. So, eventually, I had to set the important events of my life aside in order to maintain connections with my high school friends. This is something that I am still not sure that they even realize that was happening. I learned a lesson early on that people only really care to get interested in stories that they can relate to. I know that sounds cynical, but it is true. From then on, my stories about my overseas experiences, my life-changing experiences, were kept to minute long stories. Stories that were short, simple, and tell a simple tale. Stories, that in the end, were concocted for their feigned interested. Not that I blamed anyone, I learned it was just human nature. But, a wedge was already being formed between myself and everyone else.
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